Not All Fairy Tales Are Created Equal: Women, Careers, and Family Expecations.
Recently, a kicker for an NFL team made headlines for his commencement speech at a Catholic school. While his name is not necessary to mention — he’s had enough publicity — his words have sparked significant discussion. In his speech, he addressed the young women in the audience, suggesting that despite their ambitions for career success, true fulfillment for most would come from marriage and motherhood. He cited his wife, Isabelle, as an example, asserting that her life began when she embraced her roles as a wife and mother.
“I can tell you that my beautiful wife, Isabelle, would be the first to say that her life truly started when she began living her vocation as a wife and as a mother. I’m on the stage today and able to be the man I am because I have a wife who leans into her vocation. I have seen it firsthand how much happier someone can be when they disregard the outside noise and move closer and closer to God’s will in their life. Isabelle’s dream of having a career might not have come true, but if you asked her today if she has any regrets on her decision, she would laugh out loud, without hesitation, and say, “Heck, No.”
The same week, Fox News published an article about the failing birth rate, calling women selfish people who care about only themselves, and they are no longer willing to make the sacrifices it takes to be a mother. This created a firestorm for women as we are living harsh realities while those who are not struggling financially or societally, tell us how to live.
I pondered these things, as I am doing two things this year: Graduating college and getting married. I am in a wonderful partnership, and my partner supports how career-driven I am. When the time to have children is upon us, if I asked to be a stay-at-home mom, I know that he would do everything in his power to make it happen. But the single fact remains, *it is still my choice*. I could never imagine him saying, to an auditorium full of students who just graduated, “Her dream did not come true but that’s okay, she just wanted to be a mother.” Because a good partner respects and empowers your autonomy, and does not speak for you. They speak with you. In a healthy relationship, decisions about your life path, such as career choices or parenting roles, should be made collaboratively, with both partners having equal voice and agency.
We witnessed a male millionaire presuming to speak for the diverse experiences and aspirations of women across America. Such a presumption not only diminishes the complexities of women’s lives but also perpetuates patriarchal attitudes that prioritize certain voices over others. True empowerment comes from amplifying the voices of women themselves, allowing them to speak for their own needs, dreams, and struggles. The speaker’s assertion that he knows what women want, that they would find more happiness in traditional roles as wives and mothers fails to consider the economic pressures many young couples face today. Isabelle, being that her husband is a millionaire, has the option to be a stay-at-home mother. With the cost of living rising and wages not keeping pace, dual incomes have become a necessity for many families. The luxury of choosing to stay at home, as Isabelle did, is not financially viable for most. Many women work multiple part-time jobs because employers avoid offering full-time positions with benefits, further complicating the possibility of a single-income household. With these mounting pressures, yes, some women are choosing to opt out of having children altogether.
If society truly wants to encourage women to have more children, significant changes are needed. Ensure women are paid fairly and not financially penalized during maternity, for starters. Women should not have to choose between their careers and having a family. Providing affordable childcare, flexible working conditions, and genuine support for single mothers is essential. A mother’s job does not end at 5 PM, and policies need to reflect the 24/7 nature of parenting. The expectations placed on mothers must evolve. Our mothers and grandmothers often faced limited opportunities and societal pressures that many women today are keen to avoid. There needs to be a shift in how we value and support the multifaceted roles women play.
Now say a woman truly just wanted to be a stay-at-home wife, and a homemaker, and her husband was able to support that. What happens in the case of death or divorce? How will she now support herself with no employment history? Even for someone married to a millionaire, all eyes will scrutinize her decisions.
Take, for example, the case of MacKenzie Scott, ex-wife of Amazon founder Jeff Bezos. Scott was one of Amazon’s early key contributors and was heavily involved in Amazon’s early days, working on the company’s name, business plan, accounts, and shipping early orders. She also negotiated the company’s first freight contract. So instead of asking for half of his current wealth at the time of divorce, she asked for a 4% stake and so inevitably her wealth keeps amassing as the company gets bigger. Those who criticize her for using her wealth for generosity say she didn’t earn it. Women are accused of being gold diggers who married rich so they did not have to work. This reflects a broader societal bias against women receiving financial support post-divorce, ignoring the sacrifices and contributions they make to their spouses’ careers and families.
Scott’s story highlights the need for recognizing and valuing women’s work — both paid and unpaid. She didn’t just support Bezos; she played a crucial role in Amazon’s success. Her decision to take a 4% stake in Amazon rather than half of Bezos’s wealth shows a strategic and fair approach, yet she still faces criticism.
To truly support women, society needs to move beyond outdated notions of fulfillment and recognize the diverse aspirations and contributions of women. Encouragingly, many young women today are pushing back against these stereotypes, seeking careers and financial independence alongside, or instead of, traditional family roles.
Supporting this shift requires more than rhetoric; it requires concrete actions. Better pay, comprehensive maternity support, genuine recognition of women’s contributions, and a cultural shift in how we value women’s roles in society are essential steps. Only then can we create an environment where women are free to choose the paths that truly fulfill them, whether that be in the home, the workplace, or both.
