How a Survivor Should Act
When a woman comes forward about abuse, assault, etc. they know that there is a probability they will not be believed. There are several factors that contribute to this dynamic; Societal norms and gender stereotypes that suggest that women may be more prone to exaggeration, manipulation, or attention-seeking behavior; The accused individuals holding positions of power or influence, making it difficult for others to believe that they would engage in such behavior; The fear of potential backlash or retaliation; Lack of physical evidence, which some people find challenging to accept.
So of course I am sure I do not have to tell you that I have had people dismiss my experience, or question it. But the most shocking reason I have heard to date for not being believed “I was not displaying enough emotion when talking about my experience, so it must not be true.” What’s worse, it came from someone who works in the same field as me.
I did not know how to feel at first. It has been 8 years since I escaped hell, and how long was I supposed to be upset about it? I guess for me, after so much time, it was like talking about any other day. Because I have talked about it so much I got used to it. I have done backgrounds for law enforcement, interviews, a documentary, and I’ve even been asked about it on a polygraph! So it is not the same as when I first told a Sheriff’s deputy in the interview room way back when. The weight was lifted so long ago. But me feeling the need to explain this to you, is exactly why women gaslight themselves into minimizing their experience.
Women who come forward often face disbelief or victim-blaming, which can lead to self-doubt, causing women to question their own experiences and memories.
So I wanted to use this as a learning lesson to explain how people react to trauma.
Trauma impacts individuals in diverse ways, often leading to various emotional responses that may not always align with common expectations. I would like to highlight a few key points that I believe are important for people working in my field to understand. Trauma survivors may exhibit a broad spectrum of emotional reactions, including numbness, desensitization, and a lack of visible emotional expression. These reactions are valid and do not necessarily indicate untruthfulness.
Our field requires us to be trauma-informed and compassionate. This means respecting survivors’ experiences, acknowledging their unique responses, and refraining from judgment or skepticism based on emotional displays.
We need to approach survivors with empathy, validation, and an understanding that their journey through healing is complex and unique. Expressing doubt or disbelief can retraumatize individuals and create an unsafe environment.
Emotional expression varies across cultures, and we must not impose our cultural norms onto survivors’ experiences. Some individuals may have been raised to express emotions differently, and this should not be a basis for questioning their authenticity.
The cumulative effect of these factors can lead to an environment where women are hesitant to come forward with their experiences. Overcoming this dynamic requires a cultural shift that promotes empathy, understanding, and the willingness to listen to and believe survivors. We need to create spaces where individuals feel safe sharing their stories without fear of judgment or disbelief. This involves raising awareness, educating people about consent and gender dynamics, and encouraging an atmosphere of support and validation for those who come forward.
