Breaking the ‘Pick Me’ Cycle: Why Women Should Empower Each Other
Let’s talk about something that’s been ingrained in many of us since we were young: the “pick me” mentality. You know, that feeling of wanting to be seen as different from other girls, of trying to mold ourselves into what we think men want us to be. It’s time to break free from this harmful mindset and empower each other instead.
As a teenager, I fell into the trap of believing that being “not like other girls” was a badge of honor. I thought it made me special, unique, and more mature. But looking back, I realize that I was only playing into societal expectations and stereotypes that pit women against each other.
This narrative is perpetuated everywhere, from books to television shows, portraying the quirky, unique girl as the one who attracts the mature, understanding man. But why do we buy into this? Why do we feel the need to distance ourselves from our fellow women to feel validated?
Of course, we are not carbon copies of each other. But saying “I am not like other women,” you put every other woman into a monolith, and then you let men do it too. “You are not like most women...” makes us feel special but then we realize that means he thinks lowly of women, and that should be a red flag.
The truth is, that maturity doesn’t come from rejecting other women; it comes from experience and knowing ourselves. We need to stop buying into the idea that being different from other women makes us more valuable or worthy of love and respect. Constantly comparing oneself to others isn’t a way to make people appreciate you — it’s a way to reveal how desperately insecure you are.
There’s this notion that women who enjoy traditionally feminine things, like shopping or diamonds, are somehow less intelligent or deep than those who prefer politics or philosophy. But why can’t we embrace both? Women are multifaceted beings with diverse interests and passions, and there’s no one-size-fits-all definition of what it means to be a woman. A soccer mom may love tutoring calculus, and a goth girl can buy herself a Stanley Cup. It does not make you special, or better if you do not like something that many others like.
We need to stop tearing each other down with statements like “I’m not like other women” or making fun of women for enjoying things that are considered feminine. We need to empower each other, celebrate our differences, and lift each other.
Because here’s the thing: When we buy into the “pick me” mentality, we’re not only harming ourselves, but we’re also perpetuating a cycle of competition and comparison that ultimately benefits no one. It allows men to take advantage of us, pit us against each other, and dictate how we should behave and what we should value.
So let’s break free from this harmful mindset. Let’s embrace who we are, unapologetically and authentically. Let’s empower each other, support each other, and show the world that being a woman is not about being better or worse than anyone else — it’s about being true to ourselves and standing together as sisters.
You are not like other girls. But they are not all like each other either. We are all unique with one thing in common. Women, and united we must stand.
